Aries is my choice for shoestring fries as the width and length of these potatoes serves as a metaphor for the notoriously short fuse of this cardinal fire sign.
Taurus worships, nipples out, coins in hand, at the honeyed altar of decadence.Rulers of the second house of wealth and worth, if they can get, or make it extra rich they’re in.
Gemini is a curly fry because it’s as hard to get a straight answer out of them as it is to get a straight line out of this fry.
Cancers don’t mind cheese baby, whether it’s a healthy tide of government cheddar or the Nicholas Sparks oeuvre.
Leo is the McDonald’s of the zodiac, and while they love a popularity contest, their true spirit speaks not to the mass produced potato but to the summertime staple of the Boardwalk fry.
In kind, the crinkle cut of this fry leads to enhanced crispiness and more space for dips and flavor dustings to settle.
Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of finery. Libras are naturally drawn to the beautiful, symmetrical, expensive and exquisite, even and especially when it is out of reach, financially or otherwise.
Scorpio is the steak fry of the zodiac as they are tougher to get through than other varietals and usually require a double fry to reach peak exterior crunch and fluffy center.
A mutable fire sign, Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, planet of expansion and excess, good luck and living fast and loose.
Capricorn means business and lives by a waste not want not, get rich or die trying approach to money and food scraps.
Aquarians are a surprising people. Ruled by structured Saturn and punk rock Aquarius they go against the grain and the plebeian stream.
Ruled by dreamy planet Neptune and made of existential water stuffs, Pisces is the care bear of the zodiac, until of they’re pushed to the brink of disassociation and their (serial) killer instincts kick in.